Third place 2: Martha

OMG I AM SO AWESOME!!1!!LEVEN!!

(A Stumptuous Fitness Model Contest Entry)

I’ve been heavy my whole life, but while I did struggle with the usual body image issues that tend to come with being a big girl in a culture that doesn’t care much for big girls, for most of my life I felt ok with my big, strong body (I’m a nerd, so I was more focused on important, intellectual things like debating Kirk v. Picard and reading back-issues of X-Men). That changed in 2001 when, after months of sudden and mysteriously fluctuating illness, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

Suddenly, my legs that had always seemed as sturdy and strong as tree trunks were just fat and useless and I had trouble even sitting up on my own. In a word: suck. So, I did a standard treatment deal: a couple of weeks of IV steroids in the hospital followed by prednisone taper at home. After a few months, I managed to get back a lot of the use of my body, but I also managed to gain a ridiculous amount of weight - between the inability to even walk for much of 2001 and the ravenous appetite I got from the steroids, I put on well over 100 pounds in less than a year. Double suck. The extra weight put on in so short a time made my MS-induced fatigue exponentially worse.

My doctor suggested I try to exercise in order to get my strength and energy back, but I was far too self-conscious to be seen sweating on a treadmill or clomping my way clumsily through an aerobics class. I was miserable.

However, I was (and continue to be) also lucky enough to be married to a big brawny bear of a man who, in addition to being loving and patient and all the other fabulous qualities one generally adores in a spouse, likes to lift weights. Observing my unhappiness with the decline of my health, he suggested that I join him in the weight room, a section of the gym where much-larger-than-average people tend to pass through unnoticed. I agreed.

The sense of relief I felt when I began to lift was the best medicine I’d had since getting diagnosed - here was proof that, in spite of all my fears to the contrary, my body really did still work. It was still strong, could become even stronger if I wanted it to. I began to lift regularly, pushing through fatigue and muscle aches and all the rest, and I started feeling better. My balance got better - no longer did I stagger about as though I’d gone on a malt liquor bender during lunch hour. My fatigue grew less oppressive - I’d be lying if I said it isn’t still a royal pain in the ass, but it’s better than it was before. I lost weight and started feeling more like myself again.

My accomplishments? Well, in the past year I have: benched 150 lbs. (personal best!), done an unassisted dip, pushed a king-sized mattress up a ridiculously narrow flight of stairs, carried a 40lb. bag of cat food over my shoulder for a mile, preached a gospel of weightlifting to any woman who would hear it, started doing overhead squats, helped way too many people move, done curls with slices of tree trunk in my grandpa’s yard, beaten several men at arm wrestling, graduated from college (summa cum laude!) and gotten 2 out of 3 in an axe-throwing contest. My cane gathers dust in the umbrella stand.

Weightlifting has, honestly, become one of the most loved activities in my life. It allows me to control my disease better than any medication ever did. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and power I never felt from using a stair climber. It’s a form of exercise that doesn’t feel like punishment for being too big - my Teutonic sturdiness is a virtue, rather than an embarrassment that needs correction. It encourages me to love my body. It is the rare activity that appeals both to my feminism and to my love of hurling large objects while yelling “RRRRRAAAAHHHH!!!” (or equivalent yell of manic satisfaction). It helps me stretch out the sleeves of my t-shirts better. It helps me feel like a badass.

martha

(Forgive the goofiness of the attached pictures - our gym doesn’t allow photography, so I just attached a pic of me attempting to purchase tickets to the gun show and another of me getting my learn on)

Third place 1: Grace R

My achievements are modest but nevertheless significant for me. I didn’t start weights until my mid 50s and am still at it in my 60s, but otherwise my story is simply one of dogged determination. Others often comment that it was somehow easy for me – that I didn’t really have to work at it. Not so, but it has been ever so rewarding – probably about the best thing I’ve done for myself.

Somewhere along the path of middle age I morphed from a too thin person who couldn’t put on weight into someone who was overweight. The pounds came on very slowly at first, but the stress of dealing with terminally ill parents and two kids at university coping with living away from home for the first time, transformed me into the “before” photo attached.

Five years ago, at age 56, I started walking on my lunch hour and was thus able to maintain, but not lose, weight. I was feeling stale at work and felt that a new job would be the pick-me-up I needed. I didn’t get the job but came to the realization that first I needed to change myself. Our school board had just offered a discount on gym memberships. I marched into a Premier Fitness gym near work and signed up with a trainer. While I was active in my teens, horseback riding every day, I had never been in a gym in my life – almost fell off the treadmill the first time. I quickly discovered that this was a jock gym with members the age of my children, but I persevered.

By sheer good fortune I had a trainer who took me seriously and, in addition to nutrition counseling, taught me to train safely but intensely with free weights, squats, deadlifts, pushups and the like. I am forever grateful to him. At first I needed help racking weight plates but before long I had new members rushing to assist with plates I could easily heft myself and people were a bit awed by what I could accomplish. Sweet. And I discovered that I liked weightlifting – challenging myself. It is such an adrenaline rush for me.

Over several months I lost 25-30 pounds. I was thrilled with my new self and determined that I stay that way. Metabolism definitely slows as you age! Being active every day was now a given. At work, another staff member and I started the Biggest Loser Club, which was profiled on our school board’s wellness website. We ran this annually for three years, until we both left. Once I got myself back on track, getting that new job I wanted was easy.

I moved to another gym closer to home and experimented in yoga, Pilates, spinning classes and took sort of a perverse pride in the fact that I was the oldest in every group but could easily keep up. At this new gym I discovered an indoor rowing machine. What a fantastic full-body, low impact workout! I bought a Concept2 rower for home, for my cardio component. Concept2 has a terrific website where users can log their meters, get instruction and encouragement, compete in virtual challenges. I’ve rowed over two million meters so far.

My husband never complained about the many hours I spent at the gym but eventually suggested setting up a home gym in the (unfinished) basement. I was confident I would continue my regimen on my own so I left the gym and for the past three years have worked out at home. I find it easier to do something daily so it is an integral part of my routine. Not a morning person, I force myself to get up at 5:50 a.m. to exercise before work because it was too easy to skip a workout when I arrived home from work. In addition, I negotiated a shift in my work day to gain an extra half-hour in the morning. Being ten minutes from work helps too. I mix up weights, cardio, yoga/Pilates, stability ball exercises, jump rope, cycling in summer, etc. I’m happy with the level at which I’m working although I’m mindful that I can’t get complacent either.

We have a fitness facility at school that is well used by students but I encourage the office staff with whom I work to make use of it too. (I was one of the first to scale our rock climbing wall.) I took them to an orientation session with the phys ed department head so they would be familiar with the equipment. A couple of them are now going in at 7:00 a.m. to train with him and another spends half her lunch hour every day in the fitness facility. Alas, two of them have no interest whatsoever. My kids (late twenties) are both reasonably active. My daughter was encouraged by my experience to join a gym. Now living in England, she walks everywhere to keep fit, works out to DVDs on her laptop, and eats a healthy (vegetarian) diet. My son plays baseball in summer and curls in winter. I bought him a weight bench for his house but, unfortunately, it doesn’t get used regularly. You can push only so far!

I aim for a minimum of one hour of exercise each day and most days I meet that goal. I track what I do in rowing and weights as a guide and encouragement. Having had a rotator cuff injury in the past, I have to be careful about shoulder exercises – strengthening without overdoing. Your YouTube shoulder rehab video was timely. I set various goals for myself (e.g. rowing a half-marathon).

The gains are small but they are still there, nevertheless. I continue to watch what and how much I eat, but don’t feel deprived in any way. This often means I’m making two different dinners because my husband still believes dinner is “meat-potatoes-gravy”. My weight has remained constant for the past five years. My resting heart rate is lower than it has ever been. Body fat levels are as low as the doctor wants to see them for my age. So far, I don’t have to worry about cholesterol levels or high blood pressure. My hair is going grey (and I’m not colouring it) but I feel that I’m in the best shape ever. My daughter proudly refers to me as ’supermom’.

My doctor and I believe that my being so healthy and fit allowed me to sail through menopause symptom-free. Thanks in part to weight-bearing exercise, I have good bone density for my age. I have an abundance of energy which helps in everyday life. I can jog up the stairs of our 3-floor school without gasping for breath. I recently tried rock climbing in our new fitness facility.

Working out allows me to zone out and forget life’s stressors. It both calms and energizes me, and augments my self-confidence, which carries over to all areas. Although I have always had a good sense of self, I find myself more adventuresome now. With my can-do attitude I taught myself simple HTML programming/Dreamweaver, creating a website for our new school, populated with my own photographs .

I know I’m getting older but plan to keep doing as much as I can, as long as I can.

Second place 3: Toby W

My name is Toby and I’m 55 years old. I live in Upstate New York and work one of those dreaded “desk jobs” that Krista tells us will kill us all eventually. I have three kids, none of whom is home presently. I live out in the country and used to raise sheep and goats. I basically started getting in to weight lifting and then bike riding several years ago because I’ve got a whole lot of genetic baggage that I have to keep ahead of. Krista and I are joined at the hip with our Ukranian ancestors (and the thighs and the waistlines and the potatoes and cabbage and onions…)

Assbustingness - how have you busted your ass to get to where you are now?

When you live in the country and raise livestock, all activities count as “assbusting” – cleaning the barn after the thaw(don’t ask), hand shoveling 8 inches of snow when it’s 10 degrees outside, hauling five gallon buckets of water up the hill to the barn. That’s weightlifting as a lifestyle.

Getting up and doing, no matter what – I just had a hysterectomy. I was back at work in a week. I’m now in training for a bike ride in Maryland in April. Twelve years ago, I did some damage to a nerve in my back and had to re-teach myself to walk properly and stand up straight. Anyone who’s had back injuries knows how much this can hurt – I signed up for ballroom dancing lessons (yes, they do work and I ended up knowing where all the parts of my numb foot were) and trained at that for probably six months.

Accomplishments - what are they?

See above with regard to coming back from a back injury. My right calf is still a little bit smaller than my left, but I’m pretty good.

Survived physically caring for my elderly demented mother for a year. That included not only the usual “care” issues, but also, with her blood pressure problems, being able to physically lift her straight up off the floor whenever she would faint and have a seizure.

Commuting to work on my bike – I admit that I’m using the greenway and the bike path through a local park for a total of 7.5 miles each way, but I do it in 35 minutes.

Reducing my blood pressure to 120/80 and cholesterol below 200.

Does having 22” thighs and 15” biceps count?

Adversity - how have you dealt with it?

The way to survive adversity is to find some activity which you feel gives you some control over an important aspect of your life. When I was caring for my mom, the only thing that gave me that feeling was working on the treadmill and lifting weights(I had to do it facing the door of her bedroom to make sure she did not make a break for it through the front door). When she really started to go downhill and have seizures and fainting, that body strength was the only thing that stood between being able to care for her at home and having the call the emergency squad on a daily basis.

I probably have had more surgery done on me than most people. I’ve had surgery on the inner ear bones for deafness, one of my hands for carpel tunnel, had my gall bladder, appendix and uterus removed. I’ve got a wicked compressed nerve in my lower back that flares up from time to time and makes the top of my right foot feel like someone has a blow torch on it and the outside of my leg totally numb. When that happens, I have to be really careful how I walk . All of my rehabilitation for myself has consisted of some form of exercise, whether it is ballroom dancing for the foot and the leg, taking violin lessons for the hand or whatever. Nothing ever gets “better” by just sitting there.

Actions - what can and do you do?

I bike, lift weights, walk, dance, garden, and work on my house.

Activity - how do you stay committed to it (or how have you re-committed to it)?

All I have to do is think about my mom and her 6 brothers and sisters – every single one of them died of heart disease and both my mom and one of her sisters ended their lives with multiple-infarct dementia. One of her brothers had his first heart attack at 45. The other person I think about is my father, who ended up on dialysis for the last two years of his life because he threw a clot into one of his renal arteries (that’s when they found out his other kidney was shot). He hated every single day of the last two years of his life. I do not intend to end up like that.

Awesomeness - why are you awesome? Toot your horn!

I am awesome because I have a sense of humor about myself and my problems. That tends to keep the “I can’t do this” at arms’ length a lot of the time. I don’t worry about what anyone is going to think about how saggy my stomach is from three kids, a gall bladder and a hysterectomy. I’m 55 – I’m not 25. I’m not sure I really cared about that at 25 either. I’m just glad that I’m strong enough and healthy enough to be doing what I’m doing with the issues I’ve got at my age. That also keeps depression at bay, too – I think a lot of people are depressed because they feel helpless in the face of physical stuff or perceived physical stuff.

I also learned a lesson when I lost most of my hearing after having my kids: Information is the lever that you use against feeling helpless. Lack of information makes people frightened and feel helpless. Information helps people to understand what their options ARE and what they can do to help themselves or at least feel reasonably ok with what their situation is. Gives people a sense of control and helps to hold down “delusional thinking”.

I also think I’ve done a pretty reasonable job in my family of beating back the whole “cultural thinking says you should look a certain way” with my kids. I grew up in a family where I was 5’2” and my sister and my mom were both over 5’10” (in her more malicious moments, my sister tried to convince me that I had been adopted) and in general the message coming down to me was that I was a troll. I knew going into the motherhood thing that the chances of my kids being short like I am were pretty strong – but I also do not believe in pushing delusional thinking on my kids: when they are surrounded by negative influences all day long in the media and at school, I knew that I had very little hope of waving a few pom-poms at home and making noises that “I think you are beautiful” and having it stick.

My husband and I felt that our job as parents was to make the kids strong in the mind and the body, do as much as we could to help them feel loved for who and what they are at home and hope that would help them weather the storm outside. Part of our luck was that through a quirk of geography, we could not get TV and were too busy to get cable, so the kids were not influenced at home by that – what they got to do was read , watch old movies and work with livestock out in the barn. In general, I think that part of things worked reasonably well and the kids got through high school with a few bumps and bruises but I think with their self-esteem pretty well intact. They also grew up working along with us out in the barn, so they are pretty strong on the physical side too and understand the benefits of being able to wield a shovel and lift 50 pound bales of hay without aftereffects.

I think the whole point is not to be afraid.

Second place 2: Jill K

I laughed like crazy through Jill’s entire entry. This photo alone almost made me give her the prize. Her zest for life is absolutely contagious. I hope you enjoy her journey as much as I did. –MK

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Never Under-Estimate Your Capabilities!

Finally.

A reality based contest for those of us who embrace health and fitness and don’t own bikinis! Thank you Mistress Krista! In my 50th year, I discovered my Inner Athlete, the strong capable warrior-woman that inhabits this older, hard-used body of mine that has seen a lifetime of abuse. I am the poster woman-warrior who challenges common beliefs such as:

1) you can’t lose weight and build strength after menopause,
2) you can’t build flexibility and endurance with chronic health problems such as arthritis and
3) you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Well, “woof-woof” I say to that! I have had some amazing experiences the last four years directly related to following my Inner Athlete into previously unknown territories. Following are a series of vignettes of the adventure.

The Story

It’s been almost four years now since I decided to get my act together and live by choice rather than chance. Good food, developing a love for exercise, learning all I can about health and wellness, and hooking up with people who “care to share” has been key to my success. Recognizing my own potential and passion has added richness to my life that cannot be measured. Saying “YES!” a lot more to new opportunities. Looking for laughter and humor in odd places.

My best take-away from the experience?

Never Under-Estimate Your Capabilities

When I first began to exercise, my only goal was to lose weight in
preparation for joint replacement surgeries. The orthopedic surgeon told me I was high-risk due to my weight (260 pounds) and sent me to a physiotherapist who set up a gentle exercise program. I officially became “disabled.” I needed to be “careful” so I didn’t hurt myself. I was sedentary prior to all this and now, when I really needed to move, I was afraid. But move I did.

Jill before

I started out on the exercise bike for 10 minutes at a time and huffed and puffed till I thought I would die. Isn’t it ironic that when I was seriously out of shape a heart rate of 160 and shortness of breath was a sign of impending doom? Now, a heart rate of 160 and shortness of breath is a sign that I am in my target training zone! I exercised in the privacy of my own basement because I believed the general public should be shielded from my jiggling, cellulite-pocked girth. I was ever so careful to avoid injury. After a few months I improved considerably on the bike but was bored to tears with the monotony of it all. I was afraid to try anything new for fear I might hurt myself. Then I lucked out. In a fit of exasperation, I looked up personal trainers in my area and booked an appointment for a home visit.

What I remember most about my initial assessment with the trainer was that, in the course of one hour, she moved my thinking from “I can’t do that” to a world of possibilities. I was introduced to weight training and core workouts on a stability ball.

Stepping Out to the Gym

After about a month of training in the privacy of my own basement, I was informed that it was time for me to step out and into the gym to take a class. I was still way too embarrassed by my size to be seen exercising in public. I had issues. I was convinced that I was physically incapable of keeping up in a class. I might get hurt. People will see me and be grossed out and run screaming from the room. But I had come to trust my trainer, so I went to my first class…and I was hooked. Look Ma! I can do this! And no one is paying any attention to me because they are all busy working out!

Three Years Later
I have maintained an 80-pound weight loss. I continue to workout on a regular basis. I’ve done two No Sweat endurance marathons (a four-hour and a seven-hour one). I use Jari Love’s Ripped DVD’s when I can’t get to the gym. I ride the bike, walk, and use my stability ball. I’ve built my own homemade paddling device in my basement. I do active stuff outside on a regular basis. I have no set routines other than I average a minimum of an hour of some kind of exercise everyday. It changes based on my schedule and what I feel like doing…and I almost always feel like doing something.

And much to the surprise of my physiotherapist and surgeon, I have regained most of my range of motion in my leg and built up significant muscle mass in my quads and hamstrings that support my knee joints, have an incredibly strong back and core muscles that allow me to do heavy lifting and twisting without pain, have visible pecs that I can make move (it’s a vanity thing) and strong arms (despite the ever-present bat wings that are to be mine forever). I am off the knee replacement surgery waitlist. I have days when I hobble and limp, but I keep moving.

Want to know more about what it’s like to become Fit After 50? Read on for more adventures about me and my Inner Athlete…

Laughter

Laughter gives our bodies a good workout. Laughter can be a great workout for your diaphragm, abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles. It massages abdominal organs, tones intestinal functioning, and strengthens the muscles that hold the abdominal organs in place. Not only does laughter give your midsection a workout, it can benefit digestion and absorption functioning as well. It is estimated that hearty laughter can burn calories equivalent to several minutes on the rowing machine or the exercise bike.

Stepping Out to the Gym … No Sweat

I’ve been going to the gym for a workout called “No Sweat” since March 2005. “No Sweat” is a definite misnomer! “No Sweat” is officially described as “a high-energy, energetic total body strength training class”…that’s accurate. Lord Almighty! It is functional fitness at its finest!

Functional fitness is a neurologically challenging way of exercising that mimics real-life activities in real-life positions. Exercises are designed to teach you to use your body weight while controlling balance and building a solid core. “No Sweat” routines are changed every six weeks to keep your body guessing and responding to new stimuli. It can be adapted to suit any body type or fitness level.

Challenging the Neurons…

Here’s a fun visual for you. I am never going to be petite or flexible or agile. My build is…shall we say…sturdy? I am bottom heavy. I like to call the current “No Sweat” routine “BK Number 3″…BK= butt-kicker. A large part of this particular routine is done on a decline bench…lying on a bench with your head lower than your legs. My first difficulty came when I tried to figure out how to get on the bench. The benches are actually step-benches on the floor with separate risers that you insert under the bench to adjust height and incline. If you are a flexible petite person, you sit on the raised front of the bench and ever so gently lie back. Then there is me. Remember I am in a large roomful of people. I delicately plop down (note the oxymoron) on the front of my bench and the sucker flips up, scares the heck out of me, causing me to jump up, making
a dandy-fine resounding crash as the bench slams back on the riser. I smile and bow. Meanwhile everyone is getting on with the routine. I decide to remount the bench in the middle and find myself in the desired position…head down, blood rushing in my ears, supper coming up, my butt in the air and short, sturdy legs waving like a belly-up crab. Theoretically I am supposed to do some crunches (sit-ups) from this position. I would laugh if I weren’t busy strangling on my stomach contents! Trooper that I am, I curl up for the crunch, reach the peak curl of the movement and feel myself sliding headfirst down the bench onto the floor. I roll off the bench and remount just in time for the “reverse curls.” I am still upside down but am now supposed to curl my legs up over my head. Deep down I know this is going to be bad. If I were agile, I
could have done a somersault off the bench and nailed the landing. I am not agile. It was not pretty. Good news…now I am supposed to lie on the bench properly (head up, legs down)…but am supposed to now curl my legs up over my head. Yea…right! And to think I actually pay for the privilege of this torture!

Finding Stability

I’ve Been Cored! I use a stability ball to add a new dimension to my routine. Stability balls are huge balls that a person lays on…or sits on…or rolls around on…while doing other exercises. The theory is that you will build your core muscles, gain a lot of balance and flexibility, and generally have a good time. The trainer who introduced me to the ball had a wonderful sense of humor and was professional enough not to roll on the floor laughing as I tried to get the hang of balling. I am an endomorph, short and round. The ball is round. The first step in doing the exercise is suspending logic that a person of my size can actually sit on the ball without it exploding. I mount the ball gingerly…holding my breath (not sure air weighs anything, but I’m not taking any chances). Wow! There I am, sitting atop the ball and it is holding me just fine. I can do this! So my trainer says, “raise one leg.” Okey-dokey…one leg up. I start feeling my body shifting around on the inside as it seeks to balance me. “Now shut your eyes” sayeth the trainer. Whoa! In a heartbeat I am losing my balance and fighting to remain perched on the ball. Fear of falling kicks in. Feelings of panic arise. I open my eyes, seeking the horizon. I have now learned that I can have motion sickness in the privacy of my own home.

Do What You Love

I am still surprised at how much I love exercise. Did I say that??? The key to loving exercise is finding things you actually like doing. For instance, I love the water and playing in it and on it, but the thought of swimming laps bores me to tears. I don’t care how good it might be for me, I’m not going to do it. I love goofing off on a stability ball. I actually play on the ball and can’t help but smiling as I roll around and bounce. A few months ago, in a moment of creativity, I figured out how to combine my love for paddling, playing on the ball, and the fact that I live in the Northwest (too cold for paddling in the winter). I attached an exercise band to a paddle, and then tied it around a post in the basement. I recreated an outdoor paddling experience by sitting on the ball and paddling to beat the band. It turned out to be an excellent, fun workout and is perfect for people who spend a lot of time slumped over computers or driving long distances.

Climbing the Walls

I have a dream of rock climbing. It is going to happen.

One of the most recommended exercises in the rock climbing literature are chin-ups. I have never in my life attempted a chin-up but will try anything once. All of you who can do chin-ups raise your hands! Hmmmm….not so many. Women have a particularly hard time doing chin-ups as we lack the upper body strength required. The bigger you are, the harder it is. Not only am I supposed to do chin-ups for climbing, I am supposed to be able to do one-armed chin-ups and “static-hangs.” I imagine these are very important skills when one is hanging from the side of a mountain. My Beloved Hubby has installed a chin-up bar for me in my office doorway. So far he has only needed one Band-Aid for the forehead contusions he sustains every time he walks through the doorway. I’ve already learned to holler “DUCK!” as he comes into my office. I wanted to send you a picture of me doing chin-ups…but you will have to use your imagination. Picture me standing very straight and tall with my arms raised above my head, hands grasping the bar. There. Got that image? That’s pretty much it. I have yet to achieve lift-off. I decided to start with the “static-hang” where I theoretically just hang around suspended from the bar. I lift one leg from the floor, feel my arms disconnecting from their sockets and some interesting popping sounds coming from my ribs.

I think I will just hang around on the ground for a while!

Century Bike Rides

I get these wild hairs every now and then that cause me to make really strange decisions. I was feeling all full of myself pumping iron and doing cardio, but decided I needed to work on endurance… I have no idea why… must have read something somewhere. What better way to increase endurance than by training for a Century bike ride… that’s a 100-mile bike ride. Did I mention I have never really liked biking? Bike seats and my anatomy don’t match well. Plus I have really short legs. But, once I am overtaken by the wild hair… I must carry on. So, I am in training for a really long bike ride. Of course, I do not own a bike, only have Hubby’s recumbent bike in the basement, bought to fit his tall build. For me to ride this bike, I have to insert a really large pillow behind me and wear special shoes with built-up bottoms so I can reach the pedals. I end up perched on the pointy part of a tractor-style seat. It is truly a picture.

I have been riding this computerized marvel of a bike for two years, but only for 30 minutes at a time. Endurance requires time… lots and lots of time. “Real” bikers complete a Century ride in 4-6 hours depending on terrain. I have the ability to create terrain with the computer program plus I can create wind with my dandy fan. I have now completed my first 45 mile ride in 75 minutes. I had to ask Hubby to help remove the bike seat from my private areas so I could dismount the bike. Good thing I am in the privacy of my own basement. Imagine having that happen on the road??? I talked to some competitive bikers at the gym and they shared with me all manner of things to look forward to when riding… rashes, boils, gel seats that sound good but actually insert themselves deeply into body orifices… I shudder as I speak! And bless the guys who must struggle with dangly body parts being crushed…why oh why do people do this???? Apparently it is fun!

Boot Camp

Welcome to the comedy that is my life… Boot Camp.

Friday morning… 0615… cool, windy, a fine misting drizzle. I am facedown in the wet grass surrounding the lake hoping I am not lying in goose poop. At the same time I admire the goose flesh that is my skin. I am soaked through and through. Through my ragged breathing, I hear the young man in camouflage standing over me yelling “push it!, ladies, push it!” I want very much to slap him but am not coordinated enough to quite reach him. I have just finished a 15 minute run up a hill (I am not a runner…) and have been told to drop to the ground and do push-ups until given permission to stop (or as Camo-Man says…”pushups till failure”). The lack of oxygen from running provides a surrealistic feel to the pushups. I am not actually awake yet, nor have I had any coffee. That is what saves young Camo-Man from certain death. I wonder what the heck I am doing here. After what seems like an eternity, Camo-Man releases us from push-up hell and instructs us to run (literally) across a field to a quadrangle of pylons set up to induce further torture. Camo-Man looks me in the eye and tells me to “go like a crab” across the area….

“Go like a crab,” best I can tell, means I am to run across the area on my hands and feet, posterior high up in the air, hands on the ground…certainly a movement I do a lot in real life! The young athletic women surrounding me seem more than willing to “run like a crab.” Perhaps if I had Barbie’s butt I would be willing as well. God gave me short legs and a broad behind that were designed for stability…I do not tip easily. By the time I analyze the movement and consider modifications that will protect me from injury (like not doing this exercise), it is over. The crab, that is…the torture continues.

I should have known there was a problem with this class from the get-go. The brochure described a one-month intensive workout “suitable for all fitness levels.” I went to the pre-assessment and passed with flying colors. In fact, I was quite full of myself when I came in first in crunches, second in push-ups, and dead last in a 400 meter run. I excel at exercises that require lying down! I was issued a really ugly camouflage tee shirt and told to turn up at the lake at 0600 the following morning…carrying an exercise mat, two five-pound dumbbells, an exercise ball, a bottle of water, a towel… and walk to the center of the park. That was that last walking I would do!

Can we speak a moment about camouflage??? I am the first to admit that I am not exactly a role model for fashion… but camouflage? Really! It is seriously ugly stuff…and not at all flattering on this over-50 year old body. My fellow participants… mostly Barbies… all arrived decked out in their camouflage tee shirts and a variety of head bands. I showed up in my favorite red tee-shirt; once again a beacon for middle age. By the third class, I realized that camouflage could be handy for taking short breaks in the bushes during the ever-increasing daily runs.

I am pleased to report that I survived week one of this four week hell known as Boot Camp. My primary goal is to become physically fit enough and fast enough to catch Camo-Man and show him what we old ladies can do to young whipper-snappers like him!

Motivators

• I like the way I feel and want to maintain/improve on that
• I am physically strong and capable of doing a lot of activities that I could never do before (Century bike rides, strength/ endurance marathons, amazingly strong core)
• I now like having my picture taken
• I like having more clothes options
• I have avoided knee replacements by building up my quads and hamstrings.
• I like having more defined curves, love when I see my pecs actually ripple when I look in the mirror
• I suspect I have a “6-pack” though there is too much skin/fat to see
• I am amazed at how much physically demanding work I can do (like hours of hauling around cement blocks for a patio, carrying bags of soil and manure for the gardens).
• I need a focused direction to stay on track.
• Exercise balances my emotional eating. It is a stress reducer. When I maintain an interesting, challenging exercise routine, good eating naturally follows
• In addition to making me stronger, good muscle mass also allows me to eat more!
• I love that my resting heart rate, B/P, and cholesterol are low. My heart is showing its thanks for all I have done to make it healthier
• I love that my butt has gone from a giant squiggly shelf to a well-defined, firm tush. If you are “blessed” with a big butt, you may as well show it off in style!
• I like that I have become “invisible.” I have joined the ranks of “average.” People no longer look at me disparagingly as they did when I was 260 pounds. People treat me differently. I don’t mind working out next to men at the gym.
• I can sit at a restaurant table eating alone and no one pays the least attention to me. At my peak weight, people would look to see what I was eating and often make comments I supposedly could not hear.
• I fit in the bathtub, airplane seats, through turnstiles, can ride roller coasters, can use the water slide at the pool
• I love that I can talk to other exercisers and discuss stats and personal bests. I love when new people join my exercise class and comment they want to get to where I am.

The Marathon

I completed my first full No Sweat marathon (strength and endurance)! I did the whole seven hours and it was GREAT! I am proud and happy that I pushed through the wall and made it to the end. The experience showed me that I have the strength to tackle difficult things, both physical and emotional.

Towards the end of the marathon, when we were all getting really tired, the leader made the comment: “Look Strong”… and prompted us to stand tall, breathe deeply and refocus our energy… then said “Feel Strong”… and reminded us that we could feel proud of what we were doing… and ended with “Be Strong”…and suddenly we were.

Look strong. Feel strong. Be strong.

Can’t get much better advice than that!